Expand Your Comfort Zone

Living in a cave does little for your social life, health, or your bank account. It's secure and comfortable, but that's about it.

I agree with personal development experts who say you have to expand your comfort zone before you can grow. The problem is that most of them believe that growth can only be achieved by pushing yourself and facing your fears. No pain, no gain. The experts offering this approach like to point out that babies learn to walk by first falling down, then getting back up and falling down again, and getting back up again until they "get it."

Rarely do these experts mention, or even realize, that babies can do this because they don't beat themselves up when they fall down. Babies don't slap their foreheads thinking, "I am such an idiot. I took three steps yesterday, but I can barely take two today." "What's wrong with me?" "Why do I keep tripping over my own chubby little feet?"

Babies don't criticize themselves when they fall down because they haven't been trained—yet—in the fine art of self dis-empowerment through negative thinking.

By the time we are teenagers we have mastered this technique. Whenever we fall short of what we or our peers judge as perfect (because we depend on them more than our parents), we whip ourselves hard and with great facility. Those of us with strong personalities learn to hide this activity behind a bravado of seeming superiority, bravado, and disdain for the people and things around us. Those of us with quiet temperaments emotionally withdraw and out of necessity, become tremendous actors. Either way, our fears force us to sacrifice our authentic selves and we grow up wondering why we feel so afraid, tired, and empty!

As adults we are often faced with situations that require us to step up our competitive game. This triggers our fear-driven imagination which hits us with fight-or-flight hormone rushes that are so intense we can't possibly perform at our best. These stress biochemicals literally sap our courage and stop us from making choices and taking action that could help us get ahead in our relationships, health, and financial prosperity. And it happens with big and small, short-term, and chronic stress inducing situations.

The Law of Attraction says that like attracts like, so the more we doubt ourselves, the more opportunities we attract to doubt ourselves even more. The harder we try, the less we are able to break through our own, self induced barriers to success. So we pay personal development coaches to help us "just do it" because we don't believe we have "the right stuff" anymore. The dreams of our youth fade away as old age looms ahead.

The problem with the "just do it" approach is that whenever you have to force yourself, or be coerced into doing something—you are not ready to do it. Instead of enhancing your skills and accountability, you are actually creating greater resistance. According to the Law of Attraction, what you focus on expands. In terms of comfort zones, what you push against gets stronger, not weaker.

I spent five years in Toastmaster's International struggling to overcome my fear of public speaking. This organization is structured to help fledgling speakers practice and improve their skills in a safe, accepting, non-judgmental environment. The concept is great and the people are dedicated. However, in all those years I only gave four prepared speeches. Most Toastmasters give 5-10 per year. Why was I so reticent? Because even though the environment was well geared to helping me overcome my fear, the critical voice in my head never went away.

I developed the ability to speak impromptu at a fairly high level because in my mind, I didn't judge myself as harshly as I did when giving speeches I had pre-prepared. Impromptu speaking was easier because I had a low standard to judge myself against. Having a prepared speech to deliver meant I had expectations I might not meet. This was not a risk even the safest environment could help me overcome because the voice that stopped me was my own self criticism and low self esteem.

Even though Toastmasters, as a metaphorical example, was a shallow pool surrounded by lifeguards and I couldn't possibly drown, if someone throws you in a pool before you can swim, you naturally resent that person and hate yourself for letting it happen as you flounder around gasping for air.

Get Ready by Getting Real

For a conscious creator, personal growth is about getting rid of the fear first by letting go of self judgment, self doubt, and limiting beliefs before you look for ways to flex your muscles.

When you feel good about yourself, it's a lot easier to step outside of your comfort zone. That's how you grow without becoming bitter, resentful, and overly competitive. Build your confidence and self respect first, then take appropriate risks.

Even baby Eagles get to take practice flights before they leave the nest. But if they believed they weren't good enough to fly, do you think they'd take the risk when it's such a long way down?

I don't care what the experts say, failure and learning from your mistakes is the hard way to expand your comfort zone. Most people can't do it for very long because failures and mistakes just add insults to injuries. No wonder the average person clings to their comfort and security. But I guarantee that anyone who remembers who they really are and makes feeling good about themselves their number one priority, will find that doing things that expand their comfort zone are pleasant and often amusing activities. This is how you become larger than your problems.

When you feel good about yourself, you will be inspired to take action. An inspiration to do something differently than you've done before is the natural result of shifting your energy. When you are inspired, you release resistance and the potential for resentment.

If you need a personal coach, find one that helps you get rid of that critical voice in your head. It's the voice in your heart that you want to hear.